English Hallway

https://hd.unsplash.com/photo-1454438992604-4a8e59768a5aOne rainy day, you look across the moderately full coffee shop and lock eyes with the man of your dreams who is reading your favorite book, drinking a Red Eye with two sugars, and somehow listening to your favorite music (but you don’t know that, you are just assuming at this point)… However, not all of us have that type of luck… plus it’s not this fantasy world.

My best friend was the first person I told about this boy that I like… let’s call this boy English Hallway (I don’t actually see him in the English hallway, it’s just a pseudonym). And she was very supportive about it (I told her during the summer, by the way), then I told another friend, who has apparently known English Hallway for a while. These two friends were very supportive about me liking English Hallway.

Now, I don’t actually know English Hallway. I had a one word conversation with him at the ending of last school year (where I turned around, looked him up and down, gave him a slightly disapproving look, and then ending that whole exchange with a very curt “No.”). However, I do see him everywhere, in the unit with my locker, at lunch, and just random places around school. And as it happens, my best friend has a class with him.

However, trying to think up ways to talk to English Hallway (and coming up empty), me and my best friend asked the opinions of some of our guy friends. The first guy we asked said that this (having a head-over-heels crush) on a guy I don’t even know will end badly, even bringing up a past (and horrible for many reasons) experience… which was (sarcastically) great. The second guy we asked said that I needed to interact with English Hallway. The only dilemma there is that I don’t know him, period. And he has no clue who I am except for the fact I smile at him sometimes… (probably not even that though…) So, while the interaction advice is some great advice, it will be odd if I just walk up to him and start a conversation with him.

Another friend of mine told me to go up to English Hallway and say “Hey, I think you’re pretty cute, want to go get coffee sometime?”. One of her friends did something along the lines and the two people have been dating for sometime. The only problem is that I’m not that outgoing, which sucks, because that’s probably how easy it is, but me and my anxiety think differently.

Anyhow, English Hallway is in a club I plan on joining this year, so I’m hoping (not the best word, but I can’t think of a better one) that I will be able to talk to him when that starts. Plus, I’m also probably over-thinking things, and probably going up to English Hallway and asking to get coffee or something is really as easy as it doesn’t (to me) seem.

Young Love

As you go through high school, there are many things that you do; being in a romantic relationship is one. (I’m not saying it’s required for the high school experience, but most that I know have been in a romantic relationship at some point in their high school career. It’s also completely ok if you don’t have a romantic relationship in high school.)

Freshman year was when I was in my ‘first real romantic relationship.’ I use air quotes because the summer before my freshman year I had a fling (as my best friend likes to refer to it as) with a guy, but it wasn’t anything serious. Anyhow, my first relationship last nearly two months.

Whenever the fact that I was in a romantic relationship came up in conversation, many people (adults, a couple friends, and even Kris) kept telling me that the relationship wasn’t real (i.e. an ‘adult relationship’). This used to always bug me so much (and still does). How can we start to know what love and relationships are without starting them now? Now, I’m not necessarily saying that a 14 year old should be in a romantic relationship, but if we don’t start to have them in high school how can we know what they’re like after high school?

I get that the dynamics of a relationship change as you get older, but how do you know what a relationship is like without having one now?

Relationships Are Weird.

I’m just going to say it: Being in a relationship is weird. Having someone who wants to know everything about you, know what makes you do the things that you do, and who wants to protect you… it’s bizarre for me.

I’m not sure how to act in a relationship, or what to say. I want to say things like ‘sweetheart’, but I can never find the right time to say it… and when I do the words never seem to be able to leave my lips.

I also find it weird that there is someone who likes me… which I get is the point of having a boyfriend. I still find it weird because more often than not I’m stressed out running here, there, and everywhere. I’m also always lost in my own little world, thinking about everything (especially when I’m writing, which is very interesting….).

Don’t get me wrong, I like being in a relationship, but it’s weird. There’s so much to learn about the person, it’s interesting, but also scary. They also learn so much about you, which is what scares me. I’m not the type of person that talks about themselves, or draws attention to themselves, or anything of that like. I’m perfectly happy sitting in a coffee shop, behind my computer writing… and now there is this whole other human being that is beside you… it’s pretty strange, in my opinion.

All-in-all, I guess what I’m trying to say is that relationships are weird, scary, but also pretty exciting and fun.