Feelings

I don’t know about you, but I’m not that best at handling emotions… or having emotions… or well really anything emotion-related.

Don’t get me wrong, I do get happy and sad, I’m not a robot, but well… emotions scare me. I either get too happy or too sad or fall too much in love and then I get scared of emotions so I try to turn them off and run away.

I don’t really know how to handle my emotions “like a normal person”. More often than not, on the outside I look like I’m always angry (apparently, I have RBF, but that’s another story for another time). But, honestly, just because I’m not outwardly showing that I’m happy doesn’t mean that I’m not happy.

When I am happy, and I outwardly show that I’m happy, I’m bouncing off the walls and jumping around and squealing like a five year-old who just got a barbie for their birthday. But, then that takes up a lot of energy so instead I just sit and give a small smile and people perceive that I’m angry, upset, sad, or anything that’s not happy.
I don’t think that it’s the fact that it’s difficult for me to express emotions “like a normal person,” but more of that I’m scare to… and it’s totally all in my head, I get that, but I am scared of emotions, so around large groups of people, like school or debate practice, I don’t always smile. I just have a ‘normal face’ (which apparently looks like I’m about to cry…) and people think I’m always sad or angry.

So, just because I’m not outwardly showing emotions, doesn’t mean I don’t feel them. I do… and I think that sometimes some of the people I’m around forget that.

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